he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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