Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
