my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
