For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
