Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
