I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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