you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Everclear isn't food dammit
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
