Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
