i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
ugly people sure do ruin things
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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