This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
