Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
