your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
