Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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