Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
