dude i'm inner monologue high
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
