Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
