It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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