Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
