My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm getting married
To pizza
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
