So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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