You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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