Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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