He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I love having hate sex.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
