We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
