Got a toothbrush?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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