Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
