I wannas sexs uuuuu
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
