Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
