why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
