She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
please come you make the beer taste better
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize