Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
