8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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