the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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