tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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