508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I will be naked everywhere
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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