Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
