Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize