I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
