For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
