Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
