This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
