they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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