dude i'm inner monologue high
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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