At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just tell him i said nine months
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
