Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
