I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
