my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
