Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
