apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize