she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
