He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
