I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
