Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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