tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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