NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
