cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
