evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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