i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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