Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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