Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
