I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize