did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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