How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
In America we eat man semen.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
