I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
