Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
