these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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