Only a mothe r could love this liver
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize