Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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