she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
