dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize